whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
