The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
no, he came in my armpit
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
