i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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