you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
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