I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Randomize
