I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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