remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
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