508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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