sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
