Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
You pole danced in your parka.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
