we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
