DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Randomize
