just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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