Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
