Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
