Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
