I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Randomize
