Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
