She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
