i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
