i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
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