the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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