That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
