At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
