I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
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He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
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We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
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