Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
