He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
