then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Randomize