youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
