My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
