apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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