I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize