epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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