Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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