He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
The struggles of a small town man whore
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
