he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Randomize
