She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
