the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
