dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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