After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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