you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Randomize
