guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I have post one night stand depression
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