Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
