Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
