Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Randomize
