Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Floor bacon is actually really good
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
