apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize