We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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