some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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