Umm I'm too high to move.
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
