I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
