I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
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