I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
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afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
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There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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