Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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