I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
