Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Randomize
