totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Randomize
