garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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