I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
