I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
did i walk over a car last night?
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
