Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
You took a bar mat shot.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
True strength comes from lack of pants
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
