John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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