I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
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He just called me juicy booty via text message.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
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When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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