I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
