So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
