Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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