I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
false alarm. still invincible.
zippers are such a cool invention
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Randomize
