Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
