dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
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I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
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