I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
