i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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