All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
