Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
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I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize