afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
