Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
